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Patient Friendly Jokes

I always look for clean jokes to tell my patients, here’s where I’ll keep a repository of them

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  1. Ambulance_Driver says

    Guy goes to his doctor's office for a cold, and the doctor, looking very harried, comes into the room and gives him a quick but thorough examination.

    Doc tells him, “Sorry, but it's a madhouse around here, what with all the swine flu cases and all. I'm just going to write you a prescription for – “

    And the doctor goes to pull the pen from the pocket of his lab coat, only to discover that it's a rectal thermometer.

    “Oh great,” he mutters in disgust. “Now some asshole has my pen.”

    on January 2, 2010 @ 4:34 pm.
  2. Ambulance_Driver says

    Guy goes to his doctor's office for a cold, and the doctor, looking very harried, comes into the room and gives him a quick but thorough examination.

    Doc tells him, “Sorry, but it's a madhouse around here, what with all the swine flu cases and all. I'm just going to write you a prescription for – “

    And the doctor goes to pull the pen from the pocket of his lab coat, only to discover that it's a rectal thermometer.

    “Oh great,” he mutters in disgust. “Now some asshole has my pen.”

    on January 2, 2010 @ 5:34 pm.
  3. Ambulance_Driver says

    Guy goes to his doctor's office for a cold, and the doctor, looking very harried, comes into the room and gives him a quick but thorough examination.

    Doc tells him, “Sorry, but it's a madhouse around here, what with all the swine flu cases and all. I'm just going to write you a prescription for – “

    And the doctor goes to pull the pen from the pocket of his lab coat, only to discover that it's a rectal thermometer.

    “Oh great,” he mutters in disgust. “Now some asshole has my pen.”

    on January 2, 2010 @ 7:34 pm.
  4. mack505 says

    My Kindergartener's favorite joke:
    “What's green and has four legs and would realy hurt you if it fell out of a tree?”
    –A pool table

    on January 11, 2010 @ 7:18 pm.
  5. landfill624 says

    Whats blue and smells like red paint?

    Blue paint.

    on January 14, 2010 @ 8:14 pm.
  6. Steve says

    Guy goes into the doctor's office for an ear infection. The loud-first-sergeant-type nurse shuffles him to a cubicle and tells hime to take off ALL clothes and put on the stupid paper examination gown.

    Sitting there freezing, he starts grousing out loud about having to sit there naked for a stupid ear infection when he hears a voice from over the top of the wall “Hey–don't feel bad. I just came in here to fix the damn telephones.”

    on February 4, 2010 @ 9:12 pm.
  7. SeanEddy says

    A guy is sitting in the waiting room at the hospital when the doctor walks out and says “Your wife doesn't look so good”.

    The man replies, “I know doc, but shes a great cook, makes a lot of money and she's good in bed”.

    on February 22, 2010 @ 1:08 pm.
  8. Beaver Medic says

    Patty goes in to see the Doctor about some general malaise. After twenty minutes of thorough examinations the Doctor relents, “Patty, I am sorry but I just can't seem to figure out what is wrong you. I think it could be the drink.”

    Patty, “Ah don't worry about it Doc, sure I'll come back when you're sober.”

    on April 21, 2010 @ 7:05 am.
  9. Chitownmedic says

    Jesus walks into a motel – throws 3 nails down on the counter – asks the innkeeper – can you put me up for the night ?

    on April 27, 2010 @ 2:54 am.
  10. ShogunofHarlem says

    To the patient immobilized with a c-collar: Why do you keep staring at the ceiling?

    on May 1, 2010 @ 9:02 pm.
  11. ShogunofHarlem says

    To the patient immobilized with a c-collar: Why do you keep staring at the ceiling?

    on May 2, 2010 @ 1:02 am.
  12. PGSilva says

    A banana and a vibrator are sitting on the counter. The banana turns to the vibrator and says “why are you shaking? It's me she's gonna eat!”

    on June 21, 2010 @ 9:02 pm.
  13. PGSilva says

    A banana and a vibrator are sitting on the counter. The banana turns to the vibrator and says “why are you shaking? It's me she's gonna eat!”

    on June 22, 2010 @ 1:02 am.
  14. Medic Trommashere says

    Something I say to my patients before unloading them out of the ambulance.

    “Sir/Ma'am, please keep your hands on your lap as we pull the stretcher out. This is not AT&T, so please don't reach out and touch someone.”

    on June 30, 2010 @ 3:07 am.
  15. mr618 says

    Our rescue unit had an interesting call last week at the local upholstery shop… guy fell into an automatic slipcover machine.

    Don't worry, though. The hospital said he's fully recovered.

    Thanks, I'll be here all week.

    on June 30, 2010 @ 10:56 pm.

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